Catching Up

Day 5, 6, 7

Before the first week of the new year is finished, I’m behind with my project. But I have a good excuse. It took three day to understand it. It is about the energy I get writing with friends.

It goes like this. Thursday, Day 5, was spent writing alone, working at the college preparing for this semester, and writing group. The day went well. I felt comfortable as myself (this is not always true) and I got much accomplished. Before the writing group came to my house at seven I worried that maybe it went too smoothly. I had no “serendipitous awareness.” Maybe something would unfold in the group.

We meet, check in and exchange information about our week, do two timed writings, and read them to the group. The first was a bit more abstract than the second and some chose to pass on the reading, which is always acceptable. Then we set intentions for the week.

After the group left, I went to bed rather than conjuring up a serendipity. Maybe something profound will come to me in the night. Ah, here I go trying to catch the elusive.

In the morning I  realize I have a warm feeling about this little group that has met weekly for several years now, but nothing concrete to put in a post. Then at 10 on Friday, Day 6, I meet with a writing buddy from years ago that I’ve recently reconnected with. After initial conversation, she gives a topic, we write for ten minutes, then share. I give a topic we write for another ten minutes and share again. Ah, there’s that warm feeling.

Writing with others. The intimacy. The vulnerability. Something I don’t always feel with groups I’m in. It’s that equal sharing. That engagement. That speaking and listening deeply.

So here it is Saturday, Day 7, and I realize as I write morning pages that this awareness is preparing me for the writing workshop I’m offering at the library tomorrow. I’ve been a bit concerned about it. Who do I think I am to offer such an opportunity?  That old doubt creeps in. But these two experiences help me understand why I want to do this.

Maybe expecting a happy surprise or awareness everyday isn’t always the way it works. Even when I think I’m paying attention. Maybe it takes a bit more time to recognize and understand what it can mean.

That “God’s time” thing.